Hearing Your Inner Voice, Freeing Your Outer Voice

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.”
 - Rumi

When I say to people that I love music I mean music rushes through me like a river re-soaks dry land. I can feel my legs, my stomach, my fingers, my throat and my thoughts get quiet. Ahh:) What a relief. But there were and sometimes still are instances when this isn’t the case. I don’t normally talk about it but 5 or more years ago I started to become deeply interested in performance anxiety, performance stress and any other type of jitters. At the time I found that most of the writing was and continues to be focused on athletes as opposed to artists. But as we all know artists have a historical and even mythological reputation for mistreating their performance nervousness.  I wanted to know how other people negotiated the negative voices in their head with the desires in their heart…or their inner voice with their outer voice. 

I was performing a fair amount and noticed that the transition from the role of mother/wife to the role of bandleader/performer/vocalist was…stressing me out. I wasn’t proud of it but that was the truth. I needed more time to let the responsibilities of one role go and changeover into the duties of another. There was almost a feeling of radio static that would build in my head before each show. “Would there be enough people in the audience for me to pay the band?”, “Did I make enough set lists?”, “Did I have enough music prepared?” and so on. Not to mention the more specific self critiques like “I sound too nasal there”, “I’m still messing up that one note” and “why did I pick this outfit?” Thankfully I had several decades of performance experience to keep me hoofin’ even when I felt shaky. But I wanted something more reliable, something that could make me feel more self assured. 

Eventually my investigations lead me down a new path. A path that focused on enjoyment. Imagine that:) Through writing and my skills in awareness from the Alexander Technique I began to practice redirecting my attention to the pleasure of music as well as my performance strengths. This helped me to hear my inner voices (which included my inner critic but wasn’t limited to negative criticism) and the music without getting knocked over by what my inner critic had to say.

I speak to so many people (professional performers and non performers alike) who tell me that they can’t get out of their heads. I totally know what that feels like and yet personal experience  and exploration has taught me that there are practices available to strengthen not only your outside voice but your inner voice as well. I believe we need both to feel the fullness of what music and art have to offer. Are you feeling any of this? I would love to talk with you. Leave a comment, send an email, "DM me" or even better schedule a lesson. 'Til soon:).

Full Moon and Everythaang!...

Well, here we are sitting between Dia De Los Muertos, a Full moon and everythaang. I don’t know about you but I am feeling it. Like all kinds of “feelings nothing more than feelings…” Tomorrow, November 4th, is the official full moon and also the anniversary of my Great Grandma Pierce’s birthday. I wanted to send her an electronic, cosmic, 98.7-Kiss-FM shout out because where would we be without these markers/reminders of our predecessors? A pause in the flurry of to-do lists and work emails and bills to pay and meals to prep. Each day that passes I consider more and more what my ancestors lived through and how each generation knowingly or unknowingly created a wider possibility for us. 

Like many of the women in my fathers family there is no shortage of Scorpios. My maternal Grandma Lillian, my great Aunt Marjorie, my younger sister and myself all have birthdays in the month of November. But one hundred and seventeen years ago Gertrude Pierce came to this planet with her sweetness, tempestuousness and grace. My Grandma Pierce, my father’s maternal Grandmother, had an amazing face. The kind you wanted to reach out and touch. Smooth chocolate with wrinkles that seemed to rise up or down depending on the current of her mood. Grandma Pierce bore 10 children, 1 of whom died as infant. My Grandma Lillian said she remembered being a child and seeing her mother take the news, falling to the floor in shock and grief. But like most of us Grandma Pierce found a way to place one foot in front of the next. She had 5 girls with five heads of hair to do ( plus her own), bread to bake, meals to cook ( although I am told her husband, Grandpa Luther, did do a share of the cooking) and a house to clean. In the Spring she would actually hand wash the mattresses throughout the house and let them air outdoors. Yet this lovely woman was not someone to contend with. Stories are still told about the expanse of her temper. If anyone or anything upset Grandma Pierce, then EVERYONE would feel the effects! Whether or not you were responsible it was in your own best interest to find the nearest exit. 

But when I came along with my power puffs and bubbling New York chatter my Grandma was a slower moving woman, with bowed legs and eventually a metal walker that she dragged around from the kitchen, to the front window, to the dining room. Wearing floral printed house skirts and often a scarf tied on her head, she would smile when I arrived and insist on me giving her some ‘suga’.  (Being part of a large, extended family I was quite accustomed to giving and receiving myriad hugs and kisses from various family members I did and did not recognize). Yet for all her sweetness it didn’t take much for me to irritate Grandma with my hopping and skipping about upstairs at Grandma Lillian’s apartment. I would regularly receive a message through my great Aunt Marjorie or Grandma saying Grandma Pierce wanted to know what I was doing and to “quiet down.” Of course my 6, 7...10 year old self couldn’t understand what she could possibly be hearing. I was just walking down the stairs. 

I liked sitting at Grandma Pierce’s metaphorical feet, her dining or kitchen table, and feeling the unconditional warmth of her years and years of love in the air. She did not tell family stories like Grandma Lillian, nor read to me. We rarely went on family trips together unless it was perhaps a special family reunion or a program at church. Mainly the wisdom that she gave came in-between nods and glances, smiles and the look upon her face when waking suddenly from a midday nap. Sitting in her armchair or at the dining table I had a perfect view of my family’s story and the rumble as well the roar to their thunder.

Being An Artist: Part 2

I was recently chatting with a friend of mine about the butterflies in my stomach that songwriting sometimes produces…or rather the terror that I sometimes experience from songwriting. Maybe you too are an artist or creative type and can relate. Most times when I sit at the piano playing and singing my own words it is like the surrender of falling into a perfectly drawn warm, bathtub or Caribbean ocean. I'm unable to distinguish the difference between myself and the air around me because everything is one. There is a relief and satisfaction in being “back home”, back in the bigger me. Yes, being a vocalist/songwriter truly feeds me. But often the process of songwriting is touch and go.

Songwriting is more like a car that starts to zoom forward and then putters and spits in place, then moves an inch, then stops again. Sometimes one song can take so long I really do question why I call myself a songwriter. (Yes, this happened many times with “Head Full of Hair, Heart Full of Song"). And to make matters worse sometimes there is this terror…like a horrible itch inside my stomach as my mind buzzes like a cloud of gnats above me. “Will this work?", " Do I keep going on this path?" or "Should I steer the car around and make sure I arrive somewhere safely?…If I keep going, I may not remember where I started….” and every other version of this self questioning. All the while, I’m alone in the vehicle, trying to make sure to record the progress of my trip and it's direction.

Now, I know you are thinking “Well, why don’t you invite someone along?...Duh!" Yes, I could do that. Many songwriters have a writing partner for just this reason. Duke Ellington and Billy Strayhorn, Carole King and Gerry Goffin, Rogers and Hammerstein, Sia and that piano player who's name I don't know right now. Many famous writing teams of the past and present have shared this songwriting journey probably to avoid some of the pitfalls I have just described. But for some reason I kind of enjoy being on this part of the trip alone. I like hearing what melodies, syllables, rhythms and broken phrases I am feeling at a given time. Knowing there will be other ways along the drive or hike where I can connect with beating hearts and minds. The time when I get to connect with musicians in my band or share an idea with another songwriter/musician is like the reward of fresh, juice bursting in your mouth after finding the fruit you picked was in fact ripe.

Over the past two months I started a monthly workshop for singer/songwriters to shed, share, strengthen and gather feedback for more future song whispering . Our most recent meeting was this past Saturday, October 21st and we dug even deeper this time discovering reliable anchors for our upcoming creative pursuits. If you are interested in joining a supportive group to strengthen your voice, mindset and performance skills in a holistic way, let me know. We will be meeting again in December. So stay tuned..

Being An Artist

“The voice is one of the only instruments that we build and learn how to play at the same time...” 

- Alan Goodrich

Being an artist, particularly a vocalist, is like being both the sculpture and the sculptor. It is aggravating and fascinating. It seems the more in tune you become with your instrument, the more awareness you have of just how sensitive and powerful the voice/body connection is. Perhaps you realize how sensitive you are to a certain food, drink, the workout you did or didn’t do, that careless thing someone said just as you were going onstage and the resulting physical/emotional contraction that showed up in your body. You may also find it endlessly interesting how that vocal warm up-Alexander Technique-Yoga-acupuncture-session you just had allowed you to nail the bridge on your newest song. 

As a vocalist you are constantly hearing and seeing from the outside yet wanting to understand more and more how your instrument, or mechanism, is controlled from the inside.  And if you have streaming musical ideas that don’t entirely stand up to your vocal abilities, then you might be like I was many years ago and need a voice coach and method with an intuitive and technical approach. 

Part of what I discovered some 13 or so years ago is that there is the music (the painting, dance, what-have-you) and then there is the making of you and your voice. How you care for your instrument…when you water it, give it sunlight, change the potting, etc…that stuff matters. Voice training, I like to say, is like “personal training for singers.” And there are A LOT of trainers nowadays. However, sometimes trainers/singers can be too focused on exterior sounds and forget that the best results (in my humble opinion) come from developing your voice from the inside out. It is one part of the process of being an artist which I have committed myself to (nearly daily) and as a result I am pretty good at it…and by that I mean I am good at inquiring and good at keeping a consistent practice. I sound pretty good as well but my focus is most often on HOW I am going about making a sound and I LOVE sharing this shift in focus with committed beginners and professionals alike.

You can make good improvements working from the outside of the voice in. For example you may be able to get through songs and have standard exercises but they are not tailored to your specific voice and habits. As a result you will wind up straining or sometimes feeling fatigued/hoarse after singing. You may also have a few cues for your posture or performance but this doesn’t fully help you with your breathing nor speak to the story you are singing or who YOU are as an artist and why you care about this song. But when you develop your voice in a holistic way, you can make great improvements all around. Singing actually feels easier and you learn to enjoy not just the product but the process. 

I love singing (in case you couldn't tell:). I always have and I truly believe in the power of music to make people and our lives better. If you are the same or even feel some part of what I am writing about, I would be curious to hear it in your own words. Drop me a line, leave a comment, give me a call…a new way of building your artistry and our world awaits.

GIRLS ARE HERE TO SAVE YOU NOW!

     Oftentimes when I first meet people and they find out that I was born in New York they say things like “Wow! You’re a real New Yorker!" And when they find out that not one, but both of my parents are artists they usually ask “What was it like growing up downtown in the 80's?” or “What was it like having Henry Threadgill as your father?...” Well, I can tell you that when I was young my father was often on the road creating a name for his trio AIR. My mom was working with other downtown dancers/choreographers and handling the many responsibilities of mother, chef and homemaker. In order to get some of this done she would sit a tape recorder on the floor for me (age 4) to make up songs with. One of my big hits was entitled “Drums Are Here To Save You Now!” The exclamation point really deserves to be there because that's how I would sing it. “Drums are here to save you now Oh Oh Ooooooooh!”

     My mother was and still is all about dreams. Anyone who has met her knows this to be true. She was the original fan to my creative flame and improvisation was my second language. But it wasn’t just my second language it was the language my parents and their friends spoke fluently. Clearly this is the case since even my name was made up. But not only did my dad make up my name, my mother was right there with him choosing it’s meaning“of the air." So you see from a young age my parents taught me that creating ourselves was possible and even necessary. 

     For instance I learned that you can rename yourself as an adult. During my childhood my mother changed her name from Christine to “Rrata”inspired by Ra, the Egyptian God of the sun. My father invented an instrument made from hubcaps called the “Hubcaphone” in which he colored his body paint and would play a standing structure of various mounted hubcaps. So that the playing of the instrument along with the body art and movement all became part of a larger performance experience. I think all artists but especially Black artists, especially women and disenfranchised peoples have realized that recreating ourselves is of the utmost importance to our reclamation, self love and renewal. 

     In researching traditions around natural hair/hairstyles in general as well as adornment throughout the African Diaspora I have noticed how this idea of self creation through decoration becomes spiritual/political. From the masks of Benin to Sun Ra to Fela, from Billie Holiday to Grace Jones and Erykah Badu costume goes deeper than make up, it's about making a space for personal and collective transformation. For young women and girls of African descent there is an overwhelming "whisper" to look like as close to a White, thin, blond, straight hair version of oneself as possible. It is afterall what has been historically most rewarded both onscreen and offscreen...even if it isn’t a European American woman modeling the look. Head Full of Hair is my way of exploring and carving a larger space to celebrate inner and outer African beauty and the wisdom therein. Micheala Davis refers to this celebration of Afrocentered images as "image activism." It should go without saying that all features and forms are beautiful but how often do we see African features celebrated instead of exploited? Alicia Keys "no make up" movement feels like a natural outcry/response to this inner confusion. 

     Who can we make ourselves into if we use natural ingredients such as our hair, color, make up (if we want to), objects from nature, permanent or temporary tattoos and most importantly our imagination? How do we get to own ourselves in a different way when we name our ancestors and their stories? My hope is that more young women will feel more beautiful more of the time. Why? Because I think that will make more women of African descent want to be seen and heard for who they really are. I hope more young women will value being vulnerable as much as being strong. I hope that they will value their own achievements as well as their personal characteristics as well as their looks. In essence I want young women to remember that part of themselves that feels glorious. That same place inside of me that belted “Drums are here to save you now!” with complete gusto and joy. 

The Story of Singing

Ever since I was a little girl, I loved to sing. Back in the days when my mom worked at the Tompkins Square Library curating art shows I can remember singing to myself just for pleasure. Whenever a delicious meal was made I unknowingly would start humming at the table. In middle and high school I took this passion further and joined forces with friends and started writing, recording and even competing in band competitions.  Although there were times when I felt frustrated with my voice, I didn't let it stop me from performing.

By the time I graduated from college I knew that I wanted to stick with singing and that I wanted to learn more about vocal technique. To satisfy these goals I started reading and taking notes on a book I found called The Voice Book and began a biweekly gig at a downtown cafe that lasted three years. It was just me and a man named Dana Leong on cello and sometimes only one or two customers but I was free to choose any style of music I felt called me. Over time I was fortunate enough to garner a record deal and eventually cultivate an amazing band as well as a specific way of working that we all truly cherished.

The only downside was that I still hadn't grasped a full understanding of how to "work " or control my voice. During winter when colds and flus are high I would get sick only at the end of my cold I would loose my voice. Sadly, this became a regular occurrence regardless of the season. Sore throat concoctions and vocal rest became an obsession! I would chart the fluctuations of my voice just to see if I could find any patterns to help me undo this affliction. Eventually I gravitated toward the Alexander Technique. Thank goodness! This new way of taking time to release tension throughout my body became appealing. It helped relax my mind and using less tension felt good! Who knew? There was also a side benefit. Being aware of my breath and body gave me a sense of ease as the mother of a wee one. But I still needed to find a voice teacher. I was looking for a way to fully express my musical impulses but I kept running up against a wall.  

The year I recorded my last album I hit a huge roadblock when I decided to sing at a club downtown. There was no monitor and I had to push to hear myself in the PA system. Plus I was at the end of another head cold. As a result my slightly raspy voice lingered for months! That was when I knew that I had to get on a new training program. Ugh! I had a European tour with my band that summer and a new record to record and I was stressed stressed stressed because I wasn't able to sing how I wanted. Basic vocal exercises felt uncomfortable. I was trying to save face for my band. Not to mention I had a 4 year old who was a ball of energy who also needed me. All of this was a bit draining and emotionally overwhelming. 

It took several months of committed retraining in Somatic Voicework but I never looked back. I saw how in sync the Alexander Technique was with SVW. Although I felt challenged in my singing, I was an A student when it came to going gradually and being an observer of my habits. Within Somatic Voicework I could make all kinds of sounds (even if they didn't sound great) that focused on feeling vocally comfortable. As a result my range expanded. I also realized even tho I had been singing my whole life I really hadn't analyzed what it was that I was doing and whether it was helping or harming me. I just went for the creative impulse without seeing how I could make things feel better and still be just as powerful. 

And that my friends is when my true love and fascination with vocal technique and performance began. How do singers keep their voices healthy? What is it that creates a moving song? How am I able to push my vocal limits just so and still not crash and burn? How do other singers marry thought provoking lyrics, beautiful melodies and tough grooves together to leave me a changed person? And who is nurturing a child/several children? And who is still making certain to leave space to love themselves? This is part of what I consider being an empowered artist. If you are curious like me, please send a comment.

Song Whispering

"...other songs tho, he [had] to work hard for like digging potatoes out of the ground..."

- Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

I don’t know about you but the ebb and flow of being an artist, voice coach, wife and mother can feel very...elusive. It's as if I am skating on thin ice and trying to make it to every section of the lake before it all melts. This seems particularly true when I am trying to reconnect with a songwriting routine. While it is possible to sit with other artists and co-write, at this stage I prefer to be alone unearthing material from inside me. 

However, after a very full new year and election (AHH!) it has taken time for my mind to settle and the creative visibility to clear. An average writing day for me is a part meditative, part singing, part writing, part dancing/humming/piano playing/foot tapping, dish washing, bed-making experience. Sounds like some avant garde theater show right? 

The latest song I've been catching is called "Kwa-Fyoor" the phonetic spelling of the French word “coiffure” (meaning an elaborate hairstyle). I hope to include this piece on my upcoming album "Head Full of Hair, Heart Full of Song". The most frustrating part about this song is that I have 3 different potential melodies I could journey on but I don’t know that any of them are the right fit. And this is where I get to wondering, "is that really for me to decide?" Similar to life I don’t know if it's really my business to know (or control) this now. It would probably be better to go ahead on this path and discover what the music wants to be. A jingle, a interlude, a suite or nothing at all. Something poignant, something light. The answer is most likely closer than I think...if only I would let myself loosen the reigns a little. Do you ever have this problem with securing your sonic catch? If so, do tell. Until next time, "we are all in the band".

Peace, love and green juice.